OMD’s resident Bachie enthusiast and professional reality tv commentator, Tom McEwen (also Screen Trader), will be using his extensive reality TV knowledge to give us a recap of every episode of season 5 The Bachelor – the Matty J edition.
We open and all the love hopefuls are just about ready for bed and Osher waltzes in and whips out a single date card and a bottle of scotch from who knows where.
HOW IS HE HIDING THESE!? HOW DOES HE DO IT?! The magic of TV.
Florence (or Olena Pt II) gets the single date. The scotch was for Dutch courage for their date the next day which is…..
JUMPING OFF A BUILDING!
Florence has some second guessing, and we get a real good shot of their crotches (glad their zips were done up).
Anyway they end up holding hands and jumping. They look way too close to the building! Florence does this all in heels as well.
Side note: For anyone questioning Florence’s motives of being on the show, that she’s not there for love, I would say you’re wrong and here’s the proof.
The evidence is clear. Florence is so committed to love she has it tattooed on her. Would someone that was there with an ulterior motive have ‘LOVE’ tattooed on them?! I think not.
After that, they go and get their hands moulded while they’re holding hands. From jumping off a building to this. Who’s date idea was getting your hands moulded?
Also, is this business where they have the hand moulding done doing this as their sole business offering? If so this place will shut down VERY fast. I give it a month at most. And look at the building it’s done in! A bit over the top fancy for bloody hand moulding. Yeah, definitely a month, if that.
Anyway after that they sit on a couch, have a chat and smooch it up! She gets a rose.
Shuffling on to the next day and the love hopefuls are hanging out and Jennifer is ‘baking brownies as usual’ (I question the regularity of her being in the kitchen cooking brownies) and Osher strides in looking smug as in his new glasses.
He tells the girls there will be no group date and instead it will be a two girls one Matty date. The girls flip out!
It’s Elizabeth and Jennifer. Jennifer cries. lol @ Jennifer.
The two on one date seems to be in a dark, abandoned house. It looks very awkward.
Matty asks them questions then pulls them aside for one on ones and Matty asks more questions.
Jennifer churns out some rubbish and Matty laps it up while Elizabeth is more dry and honest. Matty is like “Nah soz but not soz Elizabeth but can you go home now.” (see you never Tina, you’re out of the sweep).
She leaves and Matty gives Jennifer a rose but zero Matty tongue.
COCKTAIL PARTY! WOOO! Matty steals Laura for a chat in the secret garden and she comes back with a rose.
This leads Sian to flip out! She storms out of the cocktail party and hides in a bathroom while the producers attempt to calm her down.
They eventually coax her out and she has a chat to Matty about how she wants to leave. Then Sian changes her mind pretty abruptly and decides to stay, confusing us and Matty.
Matty dished out 4 roses and on the fifth rose puts it back and we get this:
(Note: Tom’s away for a week so next week’s recap will be posted when he comes back.)